Relationship with Others
One of my favorite quotes from Thomas Merton, a Trappist monk states “We do not exist for ourselves alone, and it is only when we are fully convinced of this fact that we begin to love ourselves properly and thus also love others.” We were created for relationship. We were created to be in relationship with others. With that, it’s fascinating how often our desire for change stems from interactions with others. Interestingly, when change feels forced upon us, we often find someone to blame. We were created for relationships, yet they are often the very thing we take for granted and neglect until we “have time.”
Have you ever thought what is your vision for your relationships? Each and every type. The seemly insignificant to the ones most greatly treasured. If not it is an eye opening experience that shows us what is possible in life. What stands in the way of your relationships being all they can (and should) be?
This month, August, the eighth month, let’s spend sometime examining our relationships and what is referred to as our side of the street. Let’s take a look at what we have done and do to others so that we can remove conflict and tension with others. The healthier our relationships the better we can love both ourselves and others.
To do this we need to clean up on “our side of the street.” It is so very easy to make lists of people that did this or that and decide they need to change (and change now). Is it not easy to blame someone for our perceived misfortune? Just as a side note, I wonder how many people have me on their list(s).
How could someone put us on their list? Why would someone put our name on their list? I also ask why should someone put me on their list? What have I done that has caused harm to someone else? Did I snap at my son when he interrupted me? Did I talk badly about a co-worker to make myself look better? Don’t just stay at the easy hurts. I have had to list people I took from, people I used to get what I wanted, and people that I had crippled emotionally and even physically.
This week, make a list of the people we have harmed. That is it. Nice and simple, just make a list. If guilt enters the process simply walk away for a bit. What is done is done. Shame might show up. Shame tells me I AM… and it is wrong 100% of the time. For example, I am not a lier. I lied but I am not a lier.
One more note… The first time I did this my list was pages of legal pad paper. When I did this a few months ago I had 41 names. I wonder how many people will be on the list this week? The amount of people on the list doesn’t matter, I was demonstrating that this is a process that never really ends.
Have a great week and give this some dedicated time and then don’t be afraid to jot names down throughout the week that come to mind.
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